Kiss Him, Not Me
Let The Shipping Wars Begin!
Serinuma-senpai!
Good morning.
What's up with that?
Serinuma! Morning.
Morning.
Serinuma-san.
Seems like you don't have a fever.
Wha—
Huh?
Mutsumi-senpai!
Senpai, what's the matter?
You're acting strange.
Shima-chan. The truth is, I...
I found someone special to me.
Wh-Who is it?!
It's...
Akane-chan from Katchu Ranbu, Kachu Rabu for short!
The anime just started, but the first second I saw him, I was like,
"Be my waifu!"
I looked it up, saved tons of pics,
and I haven't slept at all, but I feel great!
That's what I thought you'd say.
I've already made him into the wallpaper for my phone.
Nothing less from you, Shima-chan! You get it.
I'm not following in the slightest. Akane-chan?
Right!
Akane-chan's like, the main character's retainer,
but he really likes the main character, his lord.
It's like true love!
But there's also a childhood friend he can't get along with,
who's younger and acts as a big rival,
and a teacher that he totally admires!
But right now, Akane-chan's definitely in the lead!
The moment I saw it, my entire soul trembled!
Mu
Shi
Iga
Nana
I-Is it that good?
In the lead? What about Shion?
Shion's in the hall of fame. Always room for more.
Well, isn't that convenient?
Anyway, Akane-chan just loves his lord! Isn't it adorable?
I can't get enough of how much he calls for his lord!
Uh, so what exactly is this "Kachu Rabu" part?
Curious?! You are, aren't you?!
First off, watch this trailer!
During the Sengoku period...
My Lord! My Lord!
Pardon me!
Word from the northern mountains: The enemy has attacked!
What?!
Akane, we depart at once!
Yes, my lord!
There's bowmen waiting to ambush you outside!
What did you say?!
My lord! Come inside!
My lord!
To battle!
Let's go, Akane.
Yes, my lord!
I will protect you.
With my entire body and soul. Even if it costs me my life!
It's godly! Godly! Godly!
It's so amazing, it hurts!
Akane-chan, priceless!
Uh, Akane is the redhead, right?
Yup!
Where did he go halfway through?
He disappeared after he hugged that guy.
Well, "katchu" means armor and helmet.
Huh?
Akane-chan is his lord's exclusive armor and helmet,
so when they enter battle, he transforms.
Into what?
His armor and helmet!
Huh? This is in the Sengoku Period, right?
Why do they transform? Isn't that weird?
So, he's an anthropomorphized helmet and armor, right?
You got it!
Anthropomorphized?
It means to make various objects into humans.
Like countries, prefectures, battleships, household appliances, or trains.
There's lots of them!
Is there something it hasn't been done to?
What's special about Kachu Rabu is that the armor and the lord are a set, right?
The lord's personality with the special addition of the armor!
The lord-retainer bond is priceless!
It is! No one can get between them!
Isn't it just great?
Akane x Lord.
Lord x Akane.
Huh? What are you saying, Senpai?
If you paid attention, you'd see it's Akane x Lord, no question.
Oh, there you go again.
How about you, Shima-chan? Did you even read the opening and ending themes' lyrics?
However you interpret them, it's Lord x Akane.
No, no. There's no way.
Followers service their masters!
That's true beauty!
No, no, there's no way!
It's lord-retainer. A follower obviously entrusts all to his lord!
And it's because of that that he can devote his body and soul to him!
Embracing all of his lord is why he can lay himself bare.
It's because he can lay himself bare that he can open his legs!
As this scene is unsightly, please stand by.
He can accept all of his lord's hardships, both emotionally and physically!
Speaking of physical, the lord's body is definitely that of a bottom!
Were you even watching? Akane-chan has a delicate build!
H-Hold on, you two, calm down.
As I was saying...
This Lord x Akane...
This Akane x Lord...
...is absolutely impossible! Totally!
What just happened?
I don't know.
Hmph!
Wh-What's the matter, Kae-chan?
What do you mean?
That was Nishina-san, wasn't it? You're not going to say hi?
Huh? What was that?
N-No, it was nothing.
What? Here it is again. Why is it Akane x Lord?
They seriously don't get it!
Hey, did something happen?
Kae-chan and Nishina-san wouldn't even look at each other just now.
Oh, well,
actually, we don't really get it ourselves.
Yesterday...
Wh-What did you say?!
Things might be through between those two.
Is it that bad?!
This is a reverse shipping war!
Huh? Reverse ship? Rever... shipper?
Allow me to explain!
Reverse Ship
Reverse ship is short for a reversed relationship.
A pitcher x B catcher
Reverse Ship
B pitcher x A catcher
It means exactly what it sounds like: the pitcher and catcher are in reversed roles.
Pitcher? Catcher?
You mean like the roles in baseball?
You don't even know that?!
Let's see...
What would you two do if you two were going out?
Huh?!
No way!
This is all hypothetical!
Would Nanashima be the one who asks Igarashi out, or the reverse?
It changes the flow of the relationship completely!
See? Completely different.
By the way, I'm totally 7 x 5.
Not interested.
So, you're telling me those two are fighting over this?
Which character holds the reins in a romantic relationship is a huge issue.
Especially in the world of fujoshi,
this kind of thing often sparks a battle.
A rift in shipping is a rift in your friendship!
The passion is nearly synonymous with what you'd feel avenging your parent's death!
I-It can't be!
That's how it is.
They might not make up while they've got Kachu Rabu fever.
Kae-chan never gave an inch on the 5 x 7 x 5 thing, either.
What, are you serious?
They used to get along so well, though...
Nishina-san isn't coming today, either, huh?
They're still going at it.
We've got no choice.
Guess we've gotta do something.
Huh? Mutsumi-senpai? What's the occasion?
What? You're going to Anime Ito?
Yeah. I'm interested in anything related to the Sengoku period.
I'd like to see Kachu Rabu.
R-Really?!
Yeah. It seems interesting.
I know, right?!
I was thinking of looking at some goods.
Will you show me what's good?
I'd be happy to!
Huh? What interest do you have in Anime Ito, Igarashi-senpai?
It'd be embarrassing if Nana and I went alone. So come with.
But why are you even going at all?
I thought it'd be nice to get Serinuma-san anime goods as a present.
I don't want to! Why would I help you two score points with her?
I'm not cooperating with my rivals.
Huh? I thought you hated her.
I get it. Will you be happy if I just go?
Thanks! Also, don't click your tongue at your senpai.
This guy actually has a pretty rotten personality.
Anime Ito
Wow, what a coincidence.
Are all of you shopping, too?
My, isn't this unexpected?
Let's not waste this, and get some tea!
Good idea.
Let's go!
We can all go together.
No!
You tricked me, Igarashi!
Ha ha, don't forget the "senpai."
Now, now. We're all here together,
so let's all have a fun time chatting!
Chatting? Even if that's what they want to do...
Oh, right! I saw that Kachu Rabu thing!
Really?
Oh, I saw it, too.
What did you think?
I thought it'd be really girly, but it's got lots guys would like, too!
It was more fun because it was so unexpected.
That's right.
The fight scenes were great, too.
Yup. The armor and helmet designs were novel, too.
Otaku?
They have to be.
I know, right? You all totally get it!
The director is an authority on action scenes,
so it was as great as we'd hoped!
Things are looking good!
That Princess Mitsu was pretty cute, too.
She was courageous, wasn't she?
Yeah! And the way she acts just a bit cold just adds to her charm!
She's probably going to end up with the lord by the end.
The lord has Akane-chan.
R-Right.
Shinomiya, you idiot!
Ah! Akane! Akane was good, too! His loyalty is something else!
Right?
Th-The lord really treasures him, too.
Right?!
I googled it, and it looks like that pair is the most popular.
Yup. You mean Akane x Lord, right?
Yup. You mean Lord x Akane, right?
You're still going on about that crap, Senpai?
Everyone follows Akane x Lord. There is no other option!
That's what I want to say to you. Lord x Akane is official. It's the truth.
Are you an idiot?! Is your mouth to blame?! Huh?!
I'm sowwy.
It's time to get to the bottom of this!
Let's duel!
We'll post fanfiction we write based on Kachu Rabu to the same site!
The one with more hits is the one we'll accept as the true pairing!
Sound good?!
I couldn't ask for more!
The format will be a short story!
We'll both upload our work next week, Sunday at midnight!
You're on!
This is getting worse and worse.
Thank you for coming.
Nishina.
You're serious about this?
Of course. I've no intention of backing down.
I'll show her what side justice is on!
"Justice"?
But, what about after that?
You might never be friends again.
Are you prepared for that?
That's...
Well, it's pretty convenient for me, anyway.
One less person to get in the way.
You should always have conviction, after all.
Good luck.
Go to hell, Igarashi!
I've told you over and over, don't forget the "senpai"!
Kiss Him, Not Me
Lord x Akane
Akane x Lord
Kiss Him, Not Me
I like things that are beautiful.
I liked looking at beautiful things,
then drawing them or making them.
But...
How lovely.
Nothing less from the daughter of the Nishina family.
Give your father my regards.
She's the young lady from the Nishina Group, right?
She's from a different world.
Winner
First-Year Nishina Shima
It's good, but it's pretty normal.
But, it's probably her family...
I hear her family gives lots of donations to our school.
Oh, so that's what this is all about.
None of them are beautiful!
But, the way I keep losing isn't beautiful, either!
In that case...
Oh, no.
Just a little more.
I paved my own way to my place in the world,
so I can't lose this fight!
Cafeteria
A few days later
S-Scary!
Are you getting enough sleep, Serinuma-san?
I'm so worried about my fanfiction.
I've thought about it too much.
I can't tell if it's good or not anymore.
Could you read it for me?
Sure.
Yup. It's interesting.
The concept's good, and you've got a good grasp of it.
Really?
But, for now,
I think you should make it clear whether it's first person or third person.
Huh?
You're right!
Also, it's not very clear who's saying what line.
He's telling her things an elementary school kid learns about writing.
Is she going to be okay?
Huh? Why should I?
Serinuma-senpai is having a really hard time with it.
I can't stand to see her like that.
Plus, you have experience in making books.
The skill gap is too big.
Why not just quit? This is all a waste of time.
A waste of time?
It's just point—
This is a battle between souls.
Akane is not beautiful as a catcher.
That is what my soul is crying out!
So I will never back down!
If you don't understand what's going on, then just shut up, little kitten.
What's happening?
A boy's being pressed up against the wall!
Nishina-san is just so cool!
So, you...
Got pressed up against the wall by your crotch in public
where everyone could see, and ran away.
That's so lame!
What?! Th-The same thing would happen to you! Go see for yourself!
What does she mean by this "it's not beautiful" thing?
If you ask me, neither option is beautiful.
They're very attached.
Beautiful, huh?
And so, their writing from their souls continued,
right up until the deadline.
I'm done!
Go!
Hits
[Kachu Rabu] My Lord, Surely You Jest [Lord x Akane]
Tags Kachu Rabu Kachu Rhythm
It begins.
It goes until Monday, 4:00 P.M. Then the winner is based on the number of hits.
Good luck, Senpai!
Amazing. Both of them are going up.
And so, the decisive moment came...
It's time!
To duel!
Hits
[Kachu Rabu] My Lord, Surely You Jest [Lord x Akane]
Tags Kachu Rabu
Hits
[Kachu Rabu] Love☆In The Castle Tower [Akane x Lord]
I win!
I lost...
This is proof that I was right!
Everyone follows Akane x Lord!
Now, let me hear you admit you've lost, Senpai.
I... lo...
I can't hear you. Speak up!
H-Hey.
I... lose....
But, but, but!
I won't give up my pairing!
S-Serinuma!
Wait!
Satisfied?
Yeah.
Isn't it great that your justice won in the end?
What are you trying to say?
You once told me that you like beautiful things.
Is making the girl you like cry beautiful?
It was here, wasn't it? Where I first met her.
Higashinohashi High School Entrance Ceremony
I'm finally here!
This is the school I chose for myself.
I'll make a place for myself in this world!
What's going on there? Amazing!
Oh, right, I heard a super rich girl was coming to our school.
What, why would someone like that come to a plain public school like ours?
Oh, no!
This is no different than how things were before!
I'm late! I'm late!
I'm sorry!
I tripped!
Don't die!
That was a beautiful flying body attack, my lady.
This is the first doujinshi I've made.
I wonder if I'll be big one day.
Please take a look!
They're new issues!
It's hard to get a sale.
She's...
I would like everything from here to here.
Sh-She's so cool!
Th-Thank you very much!
Um, would you mind telling me your—
Oh! Round Triangle-san has started selling copies of her books!
Thank you!
I'm happy I could sell a few issues.
Hmm? I got a message from the mail form.
Dear Yokoshima-sensei,
Today, I bought all of your books.
I-It's her!
Your books were very good.
No, those words aren't enough to express how good they were.
It was like my soul was trembling!
Oh, flying body attack girl...
And so, I started looking for her around school.
But I wasn't able to find her.
I became absorbed in my writing.
My circle started getting bigger and bigger.
And then, that day, I was reunited with her without even knowing it.
Oh, it's Serinuma-san from year two!
She really is cute.
I hear she's a huge otaku, though.
If she's this cute, it doesn't matter.
But just a little while ago, she was a huge fatty!
This girl, and that girl, are one in the same?!
This must be...
Fate!
She was always beautiful.
I don't want to lose her over something like this!
There's nothing more precious to me than her!
Shima-chan
Senpai, your phone.
It's from Nishina-san.
I-I'm not picking up.
Just pick up.
No!
Jeez.
Igarashi
Erry's in front of the station You owe me
Meow
You may have lost the duel, but that story was pretty good!
He's right!
Cheer up.
Welcome.
A loss is a loss. I know that.
But... But, I...
I still love the stories Shima-chan writes!
They make my soul tremble!
I feel the same. I love your story—I love you!
Sh-Shima-chan.
Senpai.
Shima-chan, I'm sowwy!
That's my line! Shenpai!
This is making up, right?
Oh!
So we're done with all that shipping stuff, right?
Why, you!
About that, I have an idea.
Yeah, me, too.
The lord and Akane-chan are versatile!
That's why you're my soulmate!
Nana
Iga
Mu
Shi
"Versatile" apparently refers to a pairing in which
both players can be the catcher or pitcher.
Yeah?
All's well that ends well.
Nishina, are those new sneakers?
Yeah. Thanks for noticing.
I thought it was rare to see you in sneakers.
Also, I kind of collect them.
Kind of?
Don't you think when a man starts collecting things, it quickly gets out of hand?
No, really. It's just a small collection.
If we're talking out of hand, your room is something else.
It was like an exhibition hall of plastic models.
Compared to other points in my life, it's actually pretty tame.
Next time: On A Journey to the Holy Land of Kachu Rabu
Look forward to it!!
It was really bad when I didn't buy shel—